Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Musings of a Procrastinator

Readers, it's time to come clean. I've been having a procrastination problem lately (in procrastination time, that means a while). It's been almost a month since my last update, so here is my confession:

I was sad to see Dead Man's Cell Phone end. With it went my claim to being a working actor of the moment. However, I was gaining back my valuable free time and prescious working woman hours that help me save some extra cash for the future big move to the next stage of my life. I hugged my loving cast goodbye and we shared a fond final cast party to remember the good times.

I felt so lucky to have many of my friends able to come see me perform these last couple months. I've been on an acting spree, and in a way I think I lost sight of some of the things I think are most important in my life. When acting becomes a chore instead of a release, I know it's time for things to change. I found myself doing wonderful pieces, but I felt less and less like I was giving them what they deserved from myself. I felt like I spent so much time spreading myself between projects that I wasn't fully embodying any one thing in a given moment.

Now that I've had time to take a step back and evaluate these last 8 months of crazy acting experiences, I know what I'm looking forward to doing in the future. I'm ready to start taking some classes again. I want to do more than my weekly acting class and really feel as though I'm working on my craft with like minded people. I want to feel that every production I step into means something to me and that I have something to offer it. I don't want to split my time, I want to work hard and improve as much as I can every time I do a play. I want to always learn something new, and for me I think that means I need to go back to basics for a little while.

I'm on the hunt for a new heashot photographer, and I've got some good leads. I'm trying to weigh how much I want to pay for these new shots with the quality I expect to get. At my age, these shots might not last me very long, and I don't want to shell out $500 for a one year investment if I can avoid it.

I'm starting to put out feelers for work outside Seattle. I never imagined myself as a one market woman. I want to travel and move from regional theatre to regional theatre. But in order to accomplish that dream I have to remember to not get stuck in a one market mindset. I need to constantly research audition dates and seasons that I'd like to be involved in. I need to pick my newest audition package. Luckily, with the help of my fantastic personal acting coach, I have a great new many options to choose from.

I think I'm really just working on finding myself again. I'm rediscovering my passion for this art and where exactly I want to go with it. I love my job being a preschool teacher. And I love that I've been given the opportunity to be a freelance teaching artist with many great new companies in the Puget Sound. But in the grand scheme of things, I don't love teaching the way I love acting, and I don't love staying in one place when I feel there is so much more to be discovered.

I have big plans, and phase one of my transition from college student to graduated woman is complete. I have acted my way into eight new credits, become a bonafide theatre for youth educator, and continued my education by privately studying Stella Adler all in one year's time. I continue to work at The 5th Avenue Theatre which I adore, and I've been working on seeing more theatre.

Recently I've seen: A Mouse Who Knows Me (A New Musical), Scapin, LAPDSMU 2, Rabbit Hole, Cardenio, and Language Art. I've been pushing myself to really use my time for me now that I have the time to spend. It's been incredibly fulfilling to be able to see more theatre and remember all the reasons why I love my job so much.

Here's a recap of the last month:

1. Opened and performed in the Northwest premiere of a new murder mystery with a fun and funny cast. We had a sold out show to a really great audience and I had the opportunity to act and rehearse with some old friends. I'm looking forward to my next outing with them. I really adore this company, and though I never imagined doing murder mysteries, every time I work with them I remember all the reasons I fell in love with theatre to begin with.

2. I opened and closed Dead Man's Cell Phone after a four week run. We had sold out shows, two rousing talk backs, and a whole lot of fun. I learned a lot--and really, that's all you can ask for.

3. I admitted to myself that it was time for new headshots, and now I've been fighting my common sense and my thrift to find a photographer that meets all my qualifications.

4. I've found a new direction for myself in the form of focusing on making me a better artist. I'm going to accomplish this by making more time for myself, continuing to expand myself outside theatre, seeing more theatre, and reminding myself of technique. I'm truly excited to get back to work on me.

5. I've been teaching more. A lot more.

I'm ready for a week at home with family, and then I'm ready to find my focus and start honing in on what I want again!