I haven't written in so long! I needed time to adjust to life, I think. Things are so different now, and I had a lot of letting go to do.
Since I posted last I have started 4 jobs. Yes, 4. I have been stage managing at Stone Soup Theatre. I have been working holiday hours at Target. I've become a substitute teacher at the performing arts preschool, but I work full time hours. And I work in the phone center and box office at the 5th Avenue Theatre.
Life is fantastic.
I am now a freelance teacher of theatre for youth and I have 3 classes coming up in the next six months. I'll be teaching a physical comedy class, an elementary acting class with a showcase, and an acting class working with poetry and small scripts.
I have a bunch of classes that I'm looking into taking for myself in the coming months and I'm becoming more and more excited about the prospect of learning more. An actor never stops being a student. I know that I will learn so many things from the people I meet in this journey of mine, and I love knowing that college was not the last step in my education. In five years, I will still value everything my college taught me, but I will know so much more.
Honestly, what I've been doing in the last month and a half is changing my lifestyle, my thought process, and my attitude about life. There is so much to be learned from hard work and dedication. I've met a lot of people lately who lead lives based completely on their financial means. It took me a while to remember that I told myself long ago that I wouldn't be one of those people.
Obviously I need to be concerned about paying my bills and saving for my future. But working so many hours has really taught me a lesson. I didn't come to Seattle to make a lot of money. I didn't come to Seattle to work all day. I came here to start something new, to meet new people and have new experiences.
I love that I know now what it means to work 19 hours in a day. I know what it's like to not sleep on a bed for two months. I know what it feels like to be broke and worried about making rent. I watch how much I spend at the grocery store, I don't shop unless it's necessary, and I rarely sleep. Through all of this, I've adjusted what money means to me. It's great to have, fun to spend, and sometimes tiring to make. But above all--It does not control my life.
I appreciate the time I've had away from theatre. I forgot how valuable it can be to step back and do other things. I'm excited to get back to it soon, but I'm also beginning to comprehend how important it can be to not let theatre control my life either. I spent a lot of the last month and a half sad about not being more involved in theatre. Three weeks ago I took a look at my life and said, "Seriously? This is why you moved, Sascha. This is what you wanted." I wanted to struggle and get frustrated and find my way to being happy.
I'm beginning to really love this city. The people are opening my eyes everyday to so many opportunities and ways of life. I've learned about being environmentally friendly to an absurd degree. I've learned about different styles of clothes, and food, and bars. I've met people that have become friends when they were supposed to be bosses or managers or directors. I'm finding myself in a way I didn't in college, and it was really difficult at first because I thought I had already done that. And because I was holding onto a lot of things that it was time to let go of.
Life is about discovering love in the people you meet, the places you go, the jobs that you take, the chances you miss, the ones that you find, and the secrets that you stumble onto about yourself.
I came out of college ready to act 24/7, ready to carve my name into the industry indelibly. I've met some actors recently who do theatre for fun. Only every once and a while when the itch kicks in, they'll audition. They all have families, and jobs they hate, and a history of trying to make it but never getting there.
I don't know quite yet what I'm looking for in a career. But I know now that I don't want to be them. I want to always have fun in my day job if I can. I want to act more than they do. I want to go places I think they didn't.
Basically, I have dreams. We all know it. It's all I talk about in this ridiculous blog. But as the time goes by, and the months draw closer to a year out of school, I find myself becoming more focused on where I want to be in a couple years. How will I make my mark?
I'm not sure. But I want to have the grandest adventure getting there. And when I make it, I want to feel accomplished, proud, and ready to move forward.
