What kind of actor do you want to be? Think really hard about it.

I might have whiplash.

This week's challenges came at me so suddenly, I barely had time to think--which is not the best way to make important decisions. Let me back up.

This week I started rehearsals for Connecticut, which I was very excited about. However, that meant that I was back into my busy schedule. Rehearsals most evening, performances over the weekends, and of course, work during the day. Now, to my surprise (and delight) I received my first unsolicited offer to audition this week.

This is something I expected to come a little later in my career here, so I wasn't prepared for it. I was emailed by an artistic director of a local theatre who said she was interested in me for a role in their upcoming production, and would I like to come read? Unfortunately, this production will be rehearsing at the same time as another show which I've already agreed to. Also, the audition date was during my Pinter Master Class that's happening soon. I took a day to think it over.

One difficulty in the decision was that this role was a paying role. Here I just finished auditioning for a show I wasn't expecting to be cast in, somehow managed to get cast in anyway, and then agreed to the contract not minding that I wouldn't be paid. I did this because I told myself in my first year in Seattle I wouldn't be choosy. I would take the work I was offered as long as it would teach me something new. I also thought that:

#1 All the other theatres had cast their fall shows because the performances are already coming up so quickly.
#2 That I shouldn't worry about being paid because so few theatres pay here anyway.

However, as I said, this offer was for a paying role, and here I had accepted an unpaying role, thinking it was my only option. Now I find out that the Seattle theatres are late casters, because there have been various other auditions popping up that pay small stipends as well.

I want to clarify here: the role I accepted originally is a great opportunity to learn something new outside of my comfort zone. It's something I've never done before, and always was told I wasn't good at. I'm lucky to have the chance.

Now, the big morality question for me was--what kind of actor do I want to be?  Do I want to be the actor that backs out of an agreement (even though rehearsals haven't begun yet) because I take my career and myself seriously enough to want to get paid (even though the money wouldn't make much of a dent in my pocketbook)? Or do I want to be the actor that is known as reliable?  Do I want to learn something new? Or do I want to pursue the kind of theatre that is already on my resume and continue to build that representation of me?

I have to admit that the majority of me was saying that I really needed to consider the options. I do want to do this as a career. And I want to be paid for my work because to me that shows not only a respect for actors and their time spent, but also can show the caliber of work being done (not always). However, when the money isn't that much anyway, it really boils down to the type of theatre it is. But rehearsals are coming up so fast, and I was stressed with rehearsals and scheduling all my conflicting auditions and rehearsals into my limited free time that I panicked a bit.

This is a situation I think you can only hope for as an actor. You want to be wanted by people who respect your work. You want to be in demand. But because I'm just starting out, and the demand for me is not with hugely reputable companies (let's be honest, it wouldn't have been a very difficult decision then), I struggled to decide what I wanted to do.

In the end, I emailed the AD back and said thank you but I'm booked. It helped that their rehearsal schedule conflicted with my Fringe show, and that it took up Saturdays and Sundays. Normally companies here rehearse on Saturdays. But Sundays are normally dark days, because companies respect that that is your weekend from your day job. I didn't want to commit myself so fully to something that would suck me dry when I would have to disappoint people in the process.

It's definitely made me rethink my priorities. I think that from now on I will have to choose carefully the first time around, so I don't run into a difficult choice later. Maybe it's time for me, in this market, to let certain opportunities pass me by, because I respect my work enough to want to be paid. Now, that doesn't mean I won't accept an intriguing script for no pay when nothing else is going on, but it does mean that maybe next time I won't be so quick to jump into the first opportunity that comes my way.

Now--while all of this moral turmoil was happening, there was more.

I received a call from the casting director of a SAG film that is interested in me coming in to read for their two main female roles. I was incredibly excited! But wait--let me look at my schedule--

Rehearsing Connecticut at night, Shrew every Thursday-Sunday, teaching Pre-School during the day, and I picked up a freelance teaching/assistant director position to fill my meager 3 hour break between work and my shows...Have I finally overbooked myself?

It's definitely possible. I had to rearrange some things, and we finally decided on a time. It wasn't until I woke up this morning that I realized I booked my audition at the same time as one of my teaching gigs...I need to call the CD back. I really hope they can squeeze me in. The script is really intriguing.

The film I auditioned for the other weekend called as well--they wanted to schedule a callback with me for the lead role in their film too! So I finally moved things around on a Saturday for them. I'll be auditioning at 9:30, rehearsing 11-1, and then performing 2-5.

Needless to say, I've forgotten what a weekend is.

My roommate is coming back this week, so I also need to clean the apartment. These are the moments you want a genie in your life.