Thinking About the Future

Food for thought:

I graduate in 8 months exactly. May 7, 2011. I haven't been in college for very long. Still, high school seems like a life time ago. I learned so much about theatre my first and second year here. It's become so much more than a possible career. I came into college loving what I experienced in high school, but knowing there was more out there. 2 years later I realize now that what theatre is to me has changed. It's always been about family and about creativity. It's been about expressing myself and sharing an idea. Now, all of that has grown. It's become about the art and the craft itself. It's about the history of theatre and what it has always meant to the people who perform it. It's about learning something not only about myself, but something human everyday. It reminds me that everything in life changes and evolves. It has shown me that I can change and that I can help change people. It's about representing the bigger picture and bringing new ideas to a wider public. And I love the process. I love delving into situations I have or haven't experienced or making people laugh. It's a sort of psychology for the soul. And I use my body and my mind everyday. At the end of the day I know I've worked hard for something, usually with someone else. It's a community experience.

Most importantly though, I think theatre has taught me that there is so much more to life than I thought before. There are different people and places to experience. There are things that I want to do that have nothing to do with working in an office and everything to do with learning about life. I wish I could spend my life traveling and meeting new people and experiencing different cultures. But I know I can't. Not realistically--at least for a little while.

And I think that might be the saddest thing I've learned in college. American theatre has become so commercial. So much of it is based on money and public desire. The regional theatre movement is slightly better, but it's really the store-front, independent theatres that are able to perform the work that matters. But in other parts of the world, theatre is different. Theatre is not only a respected art, but a respected career. It's not seen as a claim to fame, or idealistic. The people that practice it aren't usually out to get famous. In England actors are knighted for their craft. It's considered respectable to study theatre and to perform it. It's odd to not only concieve of the notion that somewhere else people might not laugh when I say I'm an actress, but odd that somewhere else my idea of a future is a legitimate one. And that has allowed me to understand that my future is legitimate--if I so choose to make it that way.

I suppose I'm thinking about all of this because in 8 months I'll be out there, and I'll have to make decisions about what I want to do. And I don't really know what I want to do. I want to act, but only if acting is bringing me the same joy that it has brought me so far. I want to be part of a cast that loves what they do as much as I do. And I want it to be about the experience, and very rarely about the money. They always say that if you do theatre, you can never just do theatre. You have to do other things to give you the experience you need to do theatre. And I like that. I like knowing that I can do other things to be good at what I love to do. Nothing I do will ever be a waste of time.

Now--the key is to actually do this. To be successful. But I think my success will be measured by my happiness, and by the people I've met along the way.